Hindsight...

... thou really art so clear.

For the last few months:

I decided "No job? While I search for one I'll work out and lose this weight." I've lost 10lbs in the last almost 8 months... not really a good job there... All I can think about is if I stuck to the daily 45+min workouts how much would I have lost by now? How much better would I be now? Why did I stop, am I really that lazy?

I've been searching for myself, for what I want... what I need in life. I think I know myself much better now but I feel as if I was lying to myself before. Sure I was good at "ABC" but I really wanted "XYZ". I'm not sure if it was laziness, lack of motivation or whatever but I just stuck with ABC and now XYZ feels more distant and unattainable than ever.

I've thought about all the past relationships and how I'm so fed up with people. Why do women have such program flaws when it comes to relationships? It seems as if every woman I date has a specific timeline in which they NEED to be engaged/married/have kids. God help me if, when asked, I say "it will happen when the time is right, I cannot put an expiration on those things." Do you want to get married and not have a dime? Do you want to have kids before you are set for them (or at least somewhat close because let's face it, you're never really 100% ready)? Marriage and children are serious things that should not be taken lightly. Why can we not just enjoy each other and cross those bridges when we come to them? 

rethought my whole life plan. I always wanted to find "Ms. Right" and get married, have the 2.5 kids and the nice suburban house... but first I need Ms. Right not Ms. Right Now. I'm giving up on that and it's not an upsetting conclusion anymore. The older I seem to get the more annoying children appear to be, the more troublesome marriage is portrayed and the more I feel as if I'm selfish and don't want to compromise for the rest of my life. I'm not saying it's impossible to find the "right" woman however it is becoming increasingly difficult the older I get.

I feel as if I've accomplished nothing and my view has turned increasingly jaded. Is this a rut or an awakening? I can see many paths ahead of me, almost too many, and I'm unsure on which to travel.

Starting Weight: 405
Current Weight: 339
Lost since 3/17/10: 66
End Weight Goal: 250
Remaining Loss: 89